Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated

There aren’t sufficient good single men left to be found in New York City. According to what everyone says to us. When Deanna* relocated into the city late 2021 it was her turn to check if there was any truth to the statement. Being single since his boyfriend, who was with her for three years split with her through Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was at this time when a group on Facebook named Do we Dating the Same Guy NYC appeared as a suggested follow. The group had an intense prescreening process and community guidelines which acted as a barrier for entry. It also had a membership of 43,000 members strong. Deanna was intrigued, so she enrolled.

The community

The group, which was started in the exact purpose of helping women check if their loved ones were seeing other people – was established in the month of March 2022. Each major US city has a similar community now, and the rules for all are simple: Everyone can post anonymously, and there is no need to doxx or releasing sensitive information and under no circumstances can screen shots be removed from the group. No harassment, no blame-shifting or hateful remarks. Don’t tell a guy that he’s been posted to the group.Read here datingfortodaysman At our site Following the scandal that of West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women from New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots on the internet, it appeared that a lot of women were searching to find a way to seek out others like him. As one TikTok user was saying in the moment This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

This is pretty much the way this group was in the year Deanna joined. Each time, Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a where women can seek advice about their relationships or advise men whom they’ve had a bad relationship experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is this practice that involves sending them other females to try and lure them onto social media-has also become common. It’s all too easy for a person to fall into a tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, stories of hookups gone wrong, and memes about the difficulties of modern-day dating. Many of the most popular posts contain photos of a person with his name asking whether someone has matched or been in contact with the person concerned. The emojis in red are a common display on small but alarming posts that warn of an ex-partner or bad relationship of a bad date, usually with a downward arrow, and the terrifying text See comments for more info.

The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our dating options in recent times A recent study revealing that approximately 39 percent of heterosexual couples found their spouse online. So it makes sense that the social aspect of romance should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead of meeting with few friends over drinks or venting to coworkers, we are now seeking advice from four thousand women who are experiencing similar-and sometimes very similar-experiences.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie an additional group member. Not to suggest there’s no rights that are available, but it was certainly beneficial to me to reframe my view of dating. It’s not about competing with other women, but it is holding men to a different standard than I had before.

It’s obvious to me, however, how some of the behaviour that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be warning signs if used by potential suitors. Photos, private discussions, and screenshots posted without the consent of the other party or knowledge are common. People look up social media profiles on a frequent basis. In fact, it’s very easy to have a relationship to be the center of attention. While Deanna enjoys being part group, she has a few reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she claims. But I think you face the problem that it can become this echo chamber of ‘Men’s been pushing us around for so long that we’re willing to give it back.

We are still an unjust society

It is an era of patriarchy, and until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will result in different effects based on each person’s background. Even so, can an online group of this kind really offer an active source of empowerment on one side of the coin and deplorable violence in the cell on another? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? is hyperlocal and interpersonal-only really useful for people who live and are dating in the area the group is located in. The women, and the people they talk about could be your neighbor you work with, a friend, family member, or most last Hinge match. Yet, there’s a sense of depersonalization that occurs when operating on the internet, which makes this all seem like an online game. It’s not an unreasonable idea to argue that this can be considered as a snub to the date-related information in both groups, especially when details of private conversations, interactions or even photos are made public without their approval or consent. Sometimes, it’s for pure entertainment.